i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
