Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
