then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
