i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
