he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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