go do what you do best...puke behind churches
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
