I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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