upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
