it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize