So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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