dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize