Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
