theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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