i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize