I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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