He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
