Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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