apparently the secret to your success is patron
you would pick up someone in the library
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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