I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
