so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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