yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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