i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
