Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
