no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Randomize
