My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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