i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
