Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
