This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
