i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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