Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
