Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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