i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
