The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
