He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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