that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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