A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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