batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
