By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
