I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize