I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
