I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
