don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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