so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
God, I missed his penis.
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