I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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