everyone is single if you try hard enough
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We have started to decorate penises.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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