if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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