i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
