I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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