Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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