i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just had sex on a roof
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize