he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
