I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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