I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
