whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
