One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
