And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
