i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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