I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
