I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
