Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
