maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
