STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
