Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
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