Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
we're so committed to being not committed
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
