I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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