the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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