Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
