just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
