Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
