It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
