brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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