just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
