So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
