those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
