dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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