just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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