she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
