I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
