at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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