and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
it's like heaven, but drunker
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
