I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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