I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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