I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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