1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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