he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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