No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
