He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize