I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize