oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
