i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
