At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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