i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
