this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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