I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
