My nipple is on Facebook.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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