There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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