the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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