so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
