What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
