i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
