Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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