I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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