someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
we're so committed to being not committed
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
