I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize