im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
