I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
